we did it guys. we graduated.
I graduate in 7 days, by the time I publish this it'll be a shy 3 days away. It's feels so insane to write that sentence, it still hasn't sunken in yet, to be honest I'm not sure if it ever will. I assume most of my classmates and fellow students around the country are feeling the same mix of excitement, sadness and disbelief right about now.
Honestly there are no words to describe this feeling. A cocktail of anxiety, nostalgia, excitement and maybe even some regret is what seems to be pulsing through me for every 'last' that I have at school, and I expect it to continue: my last extension history class, my last visit to the school counsellor, my last joke with my business teacher, my last horrid bus ride to school, shit- maybe even my last death glare by some judgmental tween in year 8. It's just so odd that all the things I never thought would end - are ending. I don't think you ever truely know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
The last 6 years of high school flew by so quick it's almost hard to fathom. I still remember my first day of year 7. Packing my lunch into my blue smiggle backpack, I was so anxious and nervous. I remember tying my hair up into my signature (however very horrendous) side ponytail, my mum was crying and saying how quickly I was growing up - little did I know she was right. I remember walking into the new gym, the smell of rubber and floorboards engulfed my senses as I nervously shuffled into my class line. I remember looking around, and seeing no one that I knew, and I silently cried to myself in that line for 15 minutes - until I turned around and asked the girl behind me if she liked one direction (she didn't). Nevertheless, we still became friends, and that day was the start of the end of my high school journey.
Thinking back to that frightened little girl is alien to me now. High school changed me in so many ways that she doesn't exist anymore. I lost myself so immensely that when I found myself again I was a completely different person, and that sounds like a bad thing, but it wasn't. When I started high school that day in the gym, I had no idea of the rollercoaster that was waiting for me. My life in high school from the out side looked great. I always maintained exceptional grades, a busy social life and had dozens of hobbies. But on the inside I was falling apart. It felt as though I was quite literally crumbling away. I was suffering from sever panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder, and it took years of treatment but eventually I was beginning to feel like I was slowly falling back together again, and I realised - growing might feel like breaking at first. I think thats why graduating is so unbelievable for me, because at one point I honestly believed I was never going to make it here alive.
I can't take all the credit for getting better though, I never told any of them (and I have no idea if they will ever read this) but there were a number of teachers who completely altered my life for the better while I was at school. It's so important for kids, - especially kids with such crippling mental health issues such as anxiety- to have positive and friendly faces teaching them at school everyday. They truely gave me a space where I didn't need to feel anxious, I could just be myself and for that one hour a day I felt safe. Something that was not a luxury for me in my day-to-day life. If you are reading this as student, take a minute to reflect on the impact your teachers had on you, you don't realise how much they impacted you until you think about it. I'm not afraid to admit that I am going to miss them, call me a teachers pet or whatever else you want - but they helped shape me into the person I am today. They taught me how to take constructive criticism, how to be better, how to improve, they taught me to stick with my gut and to never second guess myself.
I also want to take a moment to say thank you to my close friends and family. I know my anxiety was difficult to understand at times and you guys tried your very best to understand it and support me through school in any way you could.
To my friends: I can't explain to how important you are to me. I know we always give each other banter - so I would never tell you this in person - but I love you guys so friken much. For my entire life I never felt like I fit in or belonged to any friend group. You guys let me be myself and you support me and you guys have no idea how much that means to me
Besides my friends, I met so many amazing people over the last 6 years that I will most likely never see again, and I think thats okay. Not every person in our lives are meant to be there forever, some people are temporary because they are only in our lives to teach us something, and that lesson is what stays permanent. Maybe they are there to teach us to be braver, or more daring. Maybe some people are there to teach us that pain is inevitable, and that it's not how you fall, but rather how you rise. Finally, I think they teach us that in every goodbye there is a new start.
So, as we embark on our last few days as seniors, I think it's important to remember how far we have all come. Think about it, we made it through all the (in school) exams, the stupid group dramas, the morning assembly's. We made it through the year meetings, the tears, the laughs, the school camps. We made it through the assignments, the reports, through the dreaded field days and Wednesday afternoon sport. We made it through losing best friends and making new ones.
We did it guys. We graduated.
Honestly there are no words to describe this feeling. A cocktail of anxiety, nostalgia, excitement and maybe even some regret is what seems to be pulsing through me for every 'last' that I have at school, and I expect it to continue: my last extension history class, my last visit to the school counsellor, my last joke with my business teacher, my last horrid bus ride to school, shit- maybe even my last death glare by some judgmental tween in year 8. It's just so odd that all the things I never thought would end - are ending. I don't think you ever truely know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
The last 6 years of high school flew by so quick it's almost hard to fathom. I still remember my first day of year 7. Packing my lunch into my blue smiggle backpack, I was so anxious and nervous. I remember tying my hair up into my signature (however very horrendous) side ponytail, my mum was crying and saying how quickly I was growing up - little did I know she was right. I remember walking into the new gym, the smell of rubber and floorboards engulfed my senses as I nervously shuffled into my class line. I remember looking around, and seeing no one that I knew, and I silently cried to myself in that line for 15 minutes - until I turned around and asked the girl behind me if she liked one direction (she didn't). Nevertheless, we still became friends, and that day was the start of the end of my high school journey.
Thinking back to that frightened little girl is alien to me now. High school changed me in so many ways that she doesn't exist anymore. I lost myself so immensely that when I found myself again I was a completely different person, and that sounds like a bad thing, but it wasn't. When I started high school that day in the gym, I had no idea of the rollercoaster that was waiting for me. My life in high school from the out side looked great. I always maintained exceptional grades, a busy social life and had dozens of hobbies. But on the inside I was falling apart. It felt as though I was quite literally crumbling away. I was suffering from sever panic disorder and generalised anxiety disorder, and it took years of treatment but eventually I was beginning to feel like I was slowly falling back together again, and I realised - growing might feel like breaking at first. I think thats why graduating is so unbelievable for me, because at one point I honestly believed I was never going to make it here alive.
I can't take all the credit for getting better though, I never told any of them (and I have no idea if they will ever read this) but there were a number of teachers who completely altered my life for the better while I was at school. It's so important for kids, - especially kids with such crippling mental health issues such as anxiety- to have positive and friendly faces teaching them at school everyday. They truely gave me a space where I didn't need to feel anxious, I could just be myself and for that one hour a day I felt safe. Something that was not a luxury for me in my day-to-day life. If you are reading this as student, take a minute to reflect on the impact your teachers had on you, you don't realise how much they impacted you until you think about it. I'm not afraid to admit that I am going to miss them, call me a teachers pet or whatever else you want - but they helped shape me into the person I am today. They taught me how to take constructive criticism, how to be better, how to improve, they taught me to stick with my gut and to never second guess myself.
I also want to take a moment to say thank you to my close friends and family. I know my anxiety was difficult to understand at times and you guys tried your very best to understand it and support me through school in any way you could.
To my friends: I can't explain to how important you are to me. I know we always give each other banter - so I would never tell you this in person - but I love you guys so friken much. For my entire life I never felt like I fit in or belonged to any friend group. You guys let me be myself and you support me and you guys have no idea how much that means to me
Besides my friends, I met so many amazing people over the last 6 years that I will most likely never see again, and I think thats okay. Not every person in our lives are meant to be there forever, some people are temporary because they are only in our lives to teach us something, and that lesson is what stays permanent. Maybe they are there to teach us to be braver, or more daring. Maybe some people are there to teach us that pain is inevitable, and that it's not how you fall, but rather how you rise. Finally, I think they teach us that in every goodbye there is a new start.
So, as we embark on our last few days as seniors, I think it's important to remember how far we have all come. Think about it, we made it through all the (in school) exams, the stupid group dramas, the morning assembly's. We made it through the year meetings, the tears, the laughs, the school camps. We made it through the assignments, the reports, through the dreaded field days and Wednesday afternoon sport. We made it through losing best friends and making new ones.
We did it guys. We graduated.
now for the photos
junior uniform day ft my group
First day of year 7 ft my sister
look how tumblr we look (welcome back Alina)
our second last math classes ever :(
my super talented drama class
my friken hilarious business studies class
(some faces were blurred as I did not receive permission to publish)
Please remember: there are no limits on what you can accomplish, expect the limits you place on yourself. And I don't doubt that life is going to be hard, but hard doesn't mean impossible - So be strong, be brave and be kind.
Until next time,
Mikala
(some faces were blurred as I did not receive permission to publish)
Please remember: there are no limits on what you can accomplish, expect the limits you place on yourself. And I don't doubt that life is going to be hard, but hard doesn't mean impossible - So be strong, be brave and be kind.
Until next time,
Mikala
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